Errors you make in grammar, retarded you seem in print ads.

Did you know there’s a war coming?

I sure as hell didn’t, until a couple of days ago. Well, I’d heard about it here and there, but I’ve been so out of it recently that I was a bit taken aback when liz went and told me the exact date of the War. March 17, was it? 9 days from now, and BOOM.

Now I know I’m not the most informed person in the world, although I may qualify as one of the most paranoid. I’m immediately thinking: If the US take on Iraq, and there are a couple thousand US troops stationed here, won’t the Philippines be a big old target like in World War 2? I mean, it’s not like we’ve gotten better armanent or better training since then. The only difference between the 1940’s and today is that we’ve got better entertainment facilities now (that, and our money is worth a whole lot less).

And then what happens? Will the Philippine Army start drafting every male over 18 and sending them off to defend our shores? That seems likely, although we’ll be little more than cannon fodder. I remember that in the US during WW2, rich kids would pay off the army so they wouldn’t get drafted, leaving a few spoiled brats at home to fuck all the lonely wives. I’m not sure if that’s the most honorable of things to do, but I certainly wouldn’t volunteer. They’d have to come and pick me up, goddammit.

The thing is though, I’ve never felt particularly nationalistic, and giving my life for this country of domestic helpers and call center operators is about as appealing as sticking my dick inside a cactus. I don’t even know how I could contribute anything useful if I was in the infantry. When I was taking ROTC I was constantly making excuses like “Oh, my shoelaces are untied” or “My rifle butt came loose” so I could sit down for a few minutes.

Maybe they could send me to, I don’t know, the snipers division. (I’m quite sure you’d need several years worth of training to qualify for that, but I did play counterstrike for 3 years in college; does that count? I was actually pretty good at waiting quietly in the shadows, although I’ve never done it for more than 4-5 minutes at a time.) Or maybe they could assign me to the Information division, and have me make morale-boosting fliers that would say stuff like, “If You’re Just Gonna Die, Might As Well Take One or Two of Them With You” or “You’re Outnumbered and Outgunned and The Enemy Will Probably Ass-Rape Your Corpse For a Week After You’re Dead, but Cheer Up, History Will Remember You as a Hero.”

What really worries me though is how everything will work after that, when we’ve been completely decimated by the enemy. I mean let’s face it, we’re never gonna win a fair fight. Hell, I doubt we’d win even if the Americans backed us up because they can’t really afford to spread their troops out thinly in order to save us. The most likely thing that will happen is that the US will cut its losses and let the bad guys take us, and then when they’ve won the main battle, they’ll come back. Which sounds all nice and logical on paper, but of course, will not account for the four or five years worth of bad-dude occupation we will have to endure while waiting for those fucking Americans to come save our collective asses.

So the question now remains, what would you do? Assuming that you were able to weasel out of being drafted but then have to live in the city during an enemy occupation, how would you do it? I’m assuming that a lot of us still live with their families (or maybe have a family of their own to take care of) so naturally you’d have to think of some way to make sure all of you survive.

… Submitting yourself to the enemy soldiers for daily sexual use is a bad idea, btw.

Man, Star Trek has nothing on Philippine Noontime TV.

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