This is probably the most task-specific gadget I have ever seen, an anti-telemarketing device. Of course, no sooner do they produce this thingamajig does someone else produce its nemesis, an anti-anti-telemarketing device :D

I mentioned some time ago how Google has become incredibly aggressive this past year. One of the search engine’s latest moves has been the Blogger, the pioneering tool that gave millions of people around the world a voice online.

Weblogs are unique because they are updated more quickly than the rest of the web; most news is only a few hours old before it’s been linked and relinked across millions of blogs. One of the theories is that Google is going to use the Blogger’s database of blog entries as a way of tracking the popularity of a link by how often it’s been mentioned. The potential is positively mind-boggling.

The sign above the hearse reads: “Cheap Service. Adult 5,500 pesos. Child 3,500 pesos.”

The funny thing is, that hearse doesn’t look like it can fit anyone taller than 5′ 5″, unless you stuff the corpse in, in a fetal position. Kids are probably cheaper because they can ship them two at a time.

Manila wildlife, in its natural habitat.

In an effort to prevent students from fucking in the Sunken Garden on Valentine’s night, the administration has decided to slash prices at the hostel. 50% off for couples in single rooms, and 40% off for group orgies in the seminar rooms. Afterwards a 99-peso buffet rounds out your evening.

So the paraplegic Pencil with a huge pointy weiner is motioning at the word “Learning”, while his friends, the Crayons and his pet Lunch Box, Screwed-up Scissors and Water Bottle-masquerading-as-a-tube-of-Paste, all look on and smile.

I was born at the cusp of the 80’s, a rather volatile time in history. My childhood consisted of a coup, a volcanic eruption and a level 7 earthquake. Abroad, there was the Gulf War and the grunge movement. But perhaps the most influential thing that I was subjected to as a child, wasn’t the wars or the natural disasters, but something a whole lot subtler:

The 80’s to early 90’s was when Disney was churning out some of its greatest movies — The Rescuers Down Under, The Great Mouse Detective, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast. I watched them all, and I remember them all with startling clarity.

Now that I’m a little wiser though, I look back on all those old cartoons and realize …

… that Disney may have been trying to screw with our minds. Each cartoon was laden with weird morals and ridiculous messages. I’ve compiled a short list here from what I can remember, but perhaps you will be able to find other hidden innuendoes and subliminals in your own collection of Disney classics.

Snow White

Stepmothers are evil bitches.

Living with 7 dirty old men is ok.

It’s all right to be absolutely useless and do nothing all day long. Your prince will still come for you.

The Fox and the Hound

Be careful who you’re friends with when you’re young. You never know when they’ll suddenly pop up again asking for some huge-ass favor and justifying it by saying “We were friends years ago.”

Bambi

Naming a little boy skunk “Flower” is ok.

The Little Mermaid

If you really want something, go for it. Don’t listen to your father. He doesn’t know shit. Pawn your only fucking asset if you have to, because in the end, you _will_ get your man.

Beauty and the Beast

Manly men eat 4 dozen eggs every morning.

Even if you’re monstrously ugly, a girl may still be attracted to you for your wealth and/or large collection of unread hardbacks. You have to be _handsome_ for her to kiss you though.

Aladdin

Rubbing your lamp is fun.

Pocahontas

It only takes 5 minutes to be learn a new language.

Hunchback of Notre Dame

Ugly people don’t have friends.

No matter how kind and/or talented you may be, if you’re ugly, a handsome guy will come along and steal your girl away from you.

Hercules

No matter how much of a retarded clumsy oaf you are, if you’ve got rich parents, you’ll be a star.

Peter Pan

If you ever want to escape your boring, everyday life, all you have to do is think happy thoughts, and jump out the fucking window.

Kung Hei Fat Choi, Mofos.

Here’s some advice for people born in the year of the Goat/Ram/Black Sheep.