How does one plan the most disastrous birthday bash ever? Follow the trail of stupid decisions and see for yourself.0500pm, Saturday - I am chatting happily away on the phone, oblivious to the fact that God has decided to put his foot down and teach me an important lesson today. In the background, two Enterprise episodes are trickling slowly via FTP into my hard drive. I’ve just uploaded the new highfiber design. I’m writing code for my demo disc. It’s a good day.
The plan at that point was simple : pick up mike, carlocake, cha (of the just-about-defunct Rocketsheep.net) and cha’s friend, TL, head over to the Iris Exhibit to pick up unit, honey, wantuffchick, sonofangron and mrclean, and then go out to Antipolo for a few drinks. In case anyone was wondering, I live in Quezon City, a 30min drive from Makati (where the exhibit is), which in turn, is a 45 min drive from Antipolo.
0645pm - I realize that I may be running late, and get my shit together. Mike has been calling me on the cell the whole afternoon asking me where the fuck I am. I remember I’m supposed to pick up Cha and make a few hurried phone apologies before I jump into the car and drive off. I cut myself shaving in three places.
0730pm - Mike and I are parked outside of Cha’s house and are talking about which Sex and the City character is most like one of our friends. He says Carrie, I say Miranda. Cha joins us momentarily and we head on over to carlocake’s.
0745pm - We are fucking lost. We go three streets into carlocake’s village before we realize that we have no idea how to get to his house. We call sonofangron but he gives us the name of main street instead, wahoo.
0800pm - carlocake lives in a house with a white picket fence and nicely trimmed hedges. he hops in and we all say hi, although secretly we are all making bets that he is actually a homosexual.
0815pm - cha is hungry. we get drive-thru at jollibee and love every drop of our 30-peso milk shakes.
09pm - we are fucking lost again, somewhere along the borders of makati and manila looking for TL’s apartment. the streets here are wide enough for one car and one trike to pass, but only if the trike driver holds his breath. laundry is strung up across the street with chicken wire, and everybody is shirtless.
0915pm - we finally find TL’s building, which is right along Taft Avenue. I have been driving for about 2-1/2 hours.
… Did I mention that none of us knew where in Makati the exhibit area was?
0920-945pm - we are fucking lost again, heading south towards the province, courtesy of TL getting rattled when asked to decide between “Left lane or right lane?” carlocake is bitching about how he should’ve just stayed home. mike is looking for a good radio station to listen to. my upper lip is twitching.
10pm - we find our way back to makati. we call sonofangron again to get directions. the club is like 5 fucking minutes away from the mall complex. how ironic is that?
1015pm - we’re finally here and I am grateful to be out of the car. the band is covering Tuck & Patti covering Cyndi Lauper. The Perfect Storm is playing silently above them on the tv screens. i see all of two pieces of photography, because there are more people than glasses here. I notice TL spending an abnormally long time on the phone and think “uh oh.”
1045pm - we are standing around outside on the sidewalk, discussing what we should do when the exhibit’s over. unit says Eastwood, mrclean says Antipolo, mike says strip club. ive actually been thinking antipolo for awhile, but eastwood sounds easier. it’s 20 minutes closer and there are more chicks milling around aimlessly.in antipolo the only chicks you see are the kind that walk down the mountain trading rides for handjobs.
… well not exactly, but it sounded better written that way.
1105pm - TL can’t come with us anymore. mike forgot his handycam at home. we decide to split it up; carlocake, cha and i take TL home, mike, sonofangron and mrclean get the handycam, then we all meet back with unit, honey and wantuffchick at eastwood.
1130pm - carlocake and i are sitting in TL’s living room trying to decide if we should watch a few minutes of Voyager before we go. TL makes a few chicken scratches on a piece of paper and calls it a map. champagne morales lives in her building, how cool is that?
1215am, Sunday - there are 1032490345607847737492 people in Eastwood tonight. i am trying to make unit melt with my death-stare.
1245am - we are walking around. mike says, “that kid looks like a mouse.” i say, “he’s six fucking feet away from you and you’re pointing right at him.”
we have no idea what to do. our 3 remaining girls have coffee at Seattle’s and leave us to strangle each other to death outside.
0100am - cha tells me she cant go with us if we decide to go up to Antipolo. everybody looks bored. my upper lip is twitching alot.
0115am - we are all sitting in the Eastwood park with the most expensive coffee shakes we could find. Everybody goes mad with the whole handycam thing. Some choice moments include carlocake’s monkey dance, unit’s titties and my blowjob/double-handjob. mike’s brother pol is dead drunk when he finally finds us here.
0200am - cha is leaving and the guys are really itching to do something manly. i decide that it would be safer if none of the girls were around to see it. unit and mike take cha, honey and wantuffchick home, while the remaining guys sit around and talk about what strip club we should go to.
0245am - we are at stardust, along quezon avenue. one girl is actually kinda cute, and sonofangron is transfixed.
0345am - we’ve just finished off a round of drinks and i’m trying to trying to decide if i should order another when i spot one of the waiters approaching. i think, “uh-oh.”
0400am - stardust is closed. we are all on the sidewalk again. my upper lip feels like it’s about to come off.
0405am - i say, fuck it. i know one place that’s still open.
0415am - we are at hobby stop, katipunan booting up pcs and getting ready to play some starcraft. on the way here, carlocake tells me it’s useless to forsake my geek nature. if this night has taught us anything, it was to forget the whole party thing. if we had just had a few drinks by ourselves and then went to hobby stop in the first place, none of this shit would have happened.
0430am - my team has sonofangron, unit and mrclean. mike’s team has pol, pol’s friend and carlocake. I trash talk a bit more than usual.
06am - the score is 3-3 and everyone decides to quit while it’s even. we step out of hobbystop and i see my first sunrise.
0615am - we are at mike’s house eating unit’s leftover multi-colored pasta and chocolate chip cookies. everybody is wasted. pol muses that if we did this everyday, we’d all be dead in a year.
0650am - i’m finally home, and for a brief moment, i am happy.
then i pass out.