Vic Sotto is the undisputed king of the annual filmfest box office, or so I’ve been told.
It’s difficult to ascertain exactly why that is, as Enteng Kabisote 3 (and indeed, every movie I’ve seen him in over the past 5 years) is, to put it bluntly, an utter crapshoot. Clearly there is a force at work here that I cannot fathom; Vic Sotto has somehow learned to infuse mind-altering pheromones into every film reel, TV spot, and movie poster with his face on it. It’s the only logical explanation for his success.
If you’re wondering if this is one of those movies that are so bad they’re actually good, the answer is "yes" and "no." For brief periods, it’s positively hysterical (I don’t mean I laughed at any of the jokes; I was laughing at the jokes we were making as we tossed popcorn at the screen). The problem is the darned thing is nearly 2 hours long, and it can be exhausting to try to keep your spirits up for the duration.
Thus far, I’ve been avoiding talking about the actual plot of this movie, as I honestly had trouble following the various dead-end sub-plots, and irrelevant cameo appearances. After a totally unnecessary opening sequence in which stiletto-sporting lesbians from the 80’s wield lightsabers from the 70’s against a race of evil chameleons from the 60’s, we are reintroduced to the Kabisote family of the 2000’s with their newly-opened PLDT MyDSL-powered Internet Cafe. We see that Enteng has become a crass, money-laundering womanizer, even after countless arguments with the young-enough-to-be-his-daughter Faye (played by Kristine Hermosa, who is, I think, the only good thing about this whole movie).
Over the next hour or so, the filmmakers proceed to rip-off every science-fiction or fantasy film known to man. There’s also a big fight at the end involving more lightsabers, Queen Amidala in drag, and a series of the most terrible wire-fu you’ve ever seen.
Not only does this movie trundle along at a snail’s pace, it’s also inundated with advertising. EK3 goes way beyond the regular big-logo-behind-main-character type of advertising; the plugs are worked right into the dialogue, with entire scenes extolling the virtues of PLDT’s long-distance BudgetCard, or marvelling at the efficacy of Ariel Detergent as a stain remover ("better than magic!"). Other products include Xtreme MagicSing, the aforementioned PLDT MyDSL franchise-in-a-box and CDO hotdogs. (To be fair, EK3 didn’t pioneer this kind of in-your-face advertising; that honor goes to Mano Po, afaik.)
Still, I don’t begrudge the film producers for shamelessly selling out; the debate on advertising ethics and the local movie economy is really beside the point here. EK3 required a budget, and that budget had to come from somewhere. In terms of ROI, EK3 will probably prove to be the best investment those brands made all year. It’s a marketing vehicle disguised as a movie, which makes it nigh impossible to review in terms of artistic merit.
What bugs me the most though is that even with all those ads, they still charged PhP140 for the movie ticket; couldn’t they have at least given us 50% off?