I think I popped a vein in my forehead this evening; I was perspiring great big elephant-bullet-sized droplets, and when I tried to stand up, the floor switched places with the ceiling. My left side became numb, and my vision started dimming. As the world got smaller I imagined I saw a bright light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
This is all really about a photo-shoot.
@##@
Late last year, I was at a meeting with one of my older clients, discussing the future of their brand-spanking-new toothpaste (so new that it hadn’t even gotten BFAD approval yet). I was spinning another dream scenario, the way I always do with clients like these (read: rich), about how their product would practically leap off the shelves, making them at least 10 times wealthier than they already were. Of course, that was provided that they do 2 things, the first being to hire me, and the second being to fund a photo-shoot with four models which we would use to promote the product (as well as adorn the packaging).
Since those two keys to greater wealth pretty much went hand-in-hand, the project was up and running within the following week. What I lack in decision-making skills and rational thought, I make up for in salesmanship, I guess.
Here’s the part where the dream scenario starts to suck, so pay attention.
This client was cheap. And I don’t mean that in a demeaning, negative way. There are clients who know when it is necessary to part with a great deal of money, and unfortunately, that was simply not the case with this batch. It’s not a bad attitude to have, it’s simply unfortunate. What was bad was the fact that I didn’t recognize this sooner and bail out months ago. I won’t go into the specifics, but this photo-shoot was essentially being held together by spit, bailing wire and my unwillingness to just lie down and die.
Over the next 4 months I was able to find the 4 models that were willing to work on this project for the tiny fees that we were offering, and I was actually able to get people that fit the specs we needed to a tee (as opposed to simply hiring whichever one said yes).
It’s now Tuesday, the 19th. Our shoot was scheduled for Thursday, the 22nd. I had haggled to death with the photographer and makeup artist and got really decent prices from both. My profit margin for this gig is pathetic to say the least (let’s just say I make more money parsing Excel files into databases, and leave it at that), but I stick with it because … well, I’m a sucker for punishment, and I have this stupid notion that if you’re given a job to do, you do it until it either gets done, or you start shitting blood, whichever comes first.
Anyway, two of the models cancelled a couple of hours ago. One of them actually sicced her big brother on me in an effort to get me to buck up the talent fee. I explained to him as courteously as I could that it wasn’t my money I was spending and that although I would try my best to massage the client further, the deal was pretty much locked in. A couple of minutes later, they texted that they were no longer interested in the project.
Meanwhile, the other dude sent me a long (but not over 150 characters) SMS saying that he was sorry but that although he wanted the experience, he wasn’t going to be able to do it for that kind of compensation.
Now, I didn’t argue with either of them because there was nothing wrong with asking for what (you think) you’re worth. What sucked was the timing. To have half the group suddenly bail out two nights before the actual shoot was just unbelievably bad luck. And for a shoot like this, where the modelling talent aren’t exactly banging my door down to get their chance, that was practically fatal.
So now I have to explain why the models backed out, why the shoot had to be cancelled and why the entire friggin’ project collapsed, to a client that I don’t actually feel a whole lot of love for at the moment. (Here’s the part where I start feeling woozy.)
If anyone out there ever finds themselves in a position like mine, maybe they can learn from my mistake and save themselves a week in a hospital gurney. Basically, here’s what you have to remember:
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If you’re going to hire models under 21 years old, make sure that they talk to their parents/guardians BEFORE you list them as "confirmed."
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If your budget sucks, your chances are best with amateur or rookie models ages 21-25, because they will not need parental consent but will also appreciate the extra cash and/or experience it will give them. Rookie models who haven’t broken in to the industry yet will be particularly receptive because they know that a low-budget shoot won’t give them a hard time during the selection process.
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Talk about the money ASAP, and make sure they actually say "YES." Repeat the agreed amount in subsequent meetings if you have to, but make sure they "get it." See #1.
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Try to get reassurance one week before the actual shoot that these people are planning on showing up. At the very least, it will give you something to complain about when they decide to cancel your ass 48 hours before showtime (like "Dammit, last week you said it was OK!").
Lastly, and this is the one that will differ per client (but is good to remember anyway), don’t sell your client things you know they can’t afford. What usually ends up happening is they become fixated on that one particular thing and want to cram as much of it as possible into the available budget, even if it means delivering a half-baked, hodgepodge kinda product. Admittedly, this sort of thing is impossible to properly gauge, but you can read it as: it sometimes pays to be conservative and/or prudent with your recommendations.
Not that "conservative" or "prudent" have ever been part of my key personality traits.