The upcoming Jasmine Trias concert has sent the city’s marketing engines into a feeding frenzy again, with Smart and McDonald’s both throwing their respective weights behind the American Idol star.
I haven’t seen what kind of campaigns the telecom giant is coming up with, but the evil scientists at the world’s fattest fastfood chain have decided to commemorate the event with a Jasmine Trio value meal (I’m sure you’ve all seen this by now). For an unknown (meaning, I wasn’t interested enough to find out) price, you get fries, a Royal-Tru Strawberry Float and an exclusive Jasmine Trias “Love Ko ‘To” CD. Oh boy!
The McDonald’s I was at, while I was marveling at this Soylent Green-esque campaign, was playing said CD over and over again, so I didn’t find myself particularly drawn to obtaining my own copy, thank you very much, but I suppose fans would just eat this shit up. (Yeah, and they might even listen to the CD too.)
It gets better: when you buy the combo, you get to join a McDonald’s Limbo Rumble, which is basically just a game of Limbo Rock, except instead of winning a cool prize, you get a Happy Meal toy (which was, as far as I could tell, non-Jasmine-related).
As I read all this, I overheard two branch managers arguing about the limbo mechanics in a nearby booth. One of them had a striped yellow and red pole (which I deduced to be the limbo stick) and was holding it up at various heights. The game rules clearly stated that a contestant had to successfully pass under the stick four times in order to win, although the exact height of each level hadn’t been described.
So these two fuckheads couldn’t figure out what the starting height should be, and were worried shitless about making it too easy and having to give away all their fucking toys. I left before they finally figured it out, but I thought it was pretty obvious that finding an exact height was impossible; the possible contestants were simply too varied.
The solution, of course, was to get the height of each contestant before letting them play, then multiply that by a constant (say, 0.8). For example, if I was 67 inches tall, they would set the stick initially at 54 inches, then lower it by another arbitrary value every time I managed to limbo my way through. They’d probably also need additional modifiers for age and sex, because a 10-year-old girl is probably going to be a lot more limber than a 50-year-old man (hehe, i wonder how many of those they’ll get), but I guess those are just details.
But I digress.
Jasmine Trias, October 16! I’m so excited I think I’m gonna puke.