guttervomit

2

Weird Birthday Loot

16 Apr 2004

My friend Mary likes giving these really small, bizarre little things as gifts. Some of the stuff I’ve gotten from her over the years includes a little keychain boob that actually squirts milk, a shiny round rock that I got in trade for pirated software, and this thingy she gave me for my birthday:

The writing on the pillow pack says “Vote Pia Cayetano Senator,” and I’m told there’s a chunk of hard yellow candy inside. (I’m pretty adamant about not opening it.) Her exact words were, “Ayus talaga ang pulitika sa Pilipinas.” (Philippine Politics is great.)

BTW, thanks to all the people who showed up at my little dinner party last night. Sorry I didn’t give the seating arrangement much thought though. I’ll try placing name-cards next year :)

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
11

Equations

15 Apr 2004

I woke up today thinking about relationships, and how you could use math to express some interesting things about them. For instance, in every relationship, there is always one person who is more into it; there’s always an imbalance. That person will usually bend over backwards a bit further than the other will, compromise a bit more, and generally be more love-struck. You can express this situation with this equation:

C = L₁ + L₂

… where C is a constant, L₁ is the amount of love, time, effort that you put into the relationship, and L₂ is the amount that your significant other does. What this equation means is that if either L₁ or L₂ gives more than their fair share, it becomes mathematically impossible for the other partner to reciprocate equally.

To be more clear about it, let’s give C a value. For instance:

5 = L₁ + L₂

With this equation, we can make reasonable assumptions as to what L₁ and L₂ could be equivalent to. We know that neither of them can ever exceed 5, for one thing. Now let’s give L₁ a value:

5 = 3 + L₂

Now that we know what L₁ stands for, it’s obvious that L₂ equals 2. Likewise, if L₁ equaled 2, L₂ would have to equal 3. So anytime one partner tries to do something extra nice or extra special, it introduces an imbalance into the system, pushing the other person’s L value down.

The equation below represents the Ideal Relationship:

C = C/2 + C/2

… where each person puts in half of C, i.e., exactly equal to what the other person is putting in. Earlier I said that if either person gives more than their fair share, it becomes mathematically impossible for the other partner to reciprocate equally.

But why is that, really?

Is it because there is no such thing as an ideal, mathematically-sound partner?

My friend Leelock mentioned once that it could simply be about perceptions, i.e., the person who gives More Than Enough expects more in return, and will be eternally disappointed by their partner who gives Just Enough. This sounds like a great explanation to me, and I believe it can be expressed thusly:

L₁ = L₂ - L₁

This equation means that L₁ can never equal L₂, because whatever L₁ is putting in, that same amount is being subtracted from L₂. (Note that there is 1 way to introduce equality into this equation, and that is by reducing all values to zero. Of course, putting nothing of yourself into a “relationship” hardly warrants the word.)

It’s a sad situation and one should take care that this sort of thing doesn’t happen to them. You should always be pushing for …

C = C/2 + C/2

… with as much bright-eyed optimism as you can both muster.

Simple algebra is pretty grand dont you think?

Posted in Randomness | 11 Comments »
2

A9 and Legal Music

14 Apr 2004
I have just made my first ever online music purchase (!), from the folks at AudioLunchBox. I bought The Exit’s New Beat album, and two songs from Mindy Smith’s

One Moment More.

The Exit is a pop-punk-and-reggae kinda band, sounding somewhere in between 311 and Yellowcard on most of their songs. Mindy Smith is what Norah Jones would sound like if she was born in the country, instead of New York City. ALB organizes all the tracks you buy into one zip file for you to download at your leisure, which I thought was a cool feature.

13 songs for 12 bucks is not a bad deal imo, although I’m not sure how I can support my music habit if I have to pay ~$1 for every song I download. Still, I’m trying to curb my piracy addiction a little bit, and I figure music is a good place to start. I’m still having trouble wrapping my mind around paying $400 for a legal version of Windows XP, at the moment.

The Amazon-developed search engine A9 began its first public beta yesterday, after 7 months of development. 7 months doesn’t seem like a very long development period for an engine that is hoping to rival Google and Overture, so I had my doubts.

My first impression was that it was an orange-tinted version of Google, although a few more minutes of goofing around brought some key differences to light:
1. A9’s main body of data seems to have been collected from Google, which is why you will often get strikingly similar search results. So similar, in fact, that even sponsored links look to have been shared. The “bonus” is that A9 also combines results from Alexa (blah) and Amazon’s Search Inside the Book, although many people tend to hate the former, and be ambivalent toward the latter.
2. A9 has a built-in search history that requires you to create an account with them. (If you already have an Amazon.com account, that’ll do.) This means that they store a record of everything you’re searching for on their servers (so do all the other engines, of course; the key difference is that the others don’t know who you are), because you can access your history list even if you’re not at your own computer.
3. They also have this cute feature that lets you enter a query directly on your browser’s address bar, e.g., http://a9.com/highfiber would search for “highfiber” automatically. (That means I can connect A9 to my Google Taskbar super-easily, haha.)
4. Their self-proclaimed coolest feature is the Diary component on the their official Toolbar. It functions just like the Google and Yahoo versions, which reside directly underneath your browser’s addy bar and boast incessantly that they block popup ads. The Diary lets you enter notes about whatever site you’re visiting, then saves and stores it automatically (again, on their machines, and not yours).
All in all, I think A9 is nicely designed and has some nice bonuses for search junkies. I’ve been waiting for a new engine that would inspire me to start weaning myself off of Google, but unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be one in sight yet.
Posted in Software | 2 Comments »
0

Circus Commentary

14 Apr 2004

I love the circus that is Philippine politics.

Yesterday, Roco said he was leaving for the US to seek treatment for his back, but that he wasn’t giving up his candidacy. The popular theory is that GMA got to him over the Holy week and has convinced him to sell-out. Roco’s popularity amongst academics and People Who Believe They Know Better is exactly what Arroyo needs to get ahead of FPJ, so it’ll cement her lead if he goes.

It’ll be interesting to see if he actually comes back, or if he just stays there until mid-year. Even Lito Osmena, one of his party-mates, said he doubted if Roco would press on with the candidacy.

On the other hand, if it turns out that his doctor’s appointment in the US was legit, he may come back and start milking his “injury” for everything it’s worth. (Remember how Michael Jackson used to appear on stage with a bandaged hand, in a wheelchair, on crutches or strapped to a medieval rack?)

Maybe he’ll come back in one of those neck braces that Bill Murray’s character wore in Wild Things! Then Eddie V could pray over him during one of this rallies! Then he’d yank the brace off, and Roco would start weeping, “It’s a miracle! I’m cured!”

Well, it could happen.

Posted in Randomness | No Comments »
7

Hail, Brother Eddie

13 Apr 2004

…………………………

Just found out that Roco, who was number 3 in pre-election surveys, has backed out of the presidential campaign, due to a health problem. Sounds like he sold out to me. Actually, what I’m more worried about is how this will affect my goddamn quiz.

Posted in Randomness | 7 Comments »
0

Bluverde is coming

12 Apr 2004
- This statue of the Virgin Mary allegedly started weeping again last week, after over 2 years hiatus. I guess the owner needed some extra cash.
- And just to prove that Americans can’t get enough of 9/11 and the War on Terror, Sony has optioned the film rights for Dick Clarke’s book on the matter. This is going to hog the Technorati top ten for weeks, I swear.
- Intel’s new line of mobile CPUs look to be light years ahead of anything on the market today, with wireless access, DVD quality video playback, support for 4.0 (or more) megapixel built-in cameras, speedstep power-saving technology and even has an accompanying graphics co-processor for high-resolution screens. It’ll be available in speeds of 312mHz all the way up to 624mHz. The current mobile computing industry is pretty reminiscent of the 386/486 days, where OEMs basically had to follow whatever new architecture Intel came up with. And with nary a competitor in sight, it’ll be a long time before any of this will change.
Posted in Randomness | No Comments »
4

Happy Birthday, Self.

11 Apr 2004

Jesus and Jose Rizal both died at 33.

That means I’ve only got 10 years left :(

===

And since it’s my birthday, I’d like to be just like this guy, who sold everything he had (including his clothes), rented a cheap tuxedo, walked into a casino and bet it all on one roulette spin. That guy has got chutzpah the size of bowling balls, I swear.

Posted in Randomness | 4 Comments »
1

Statues & Guides

10 Apr 2004

Weird “Al” Yankovic’s parents were found dead in their home Saturday night, apparently from carbon monoxide poisoning. I was a huge Weird Al fan when I was a kid. I still laugh heartily whenever they play “You don’t love me anymore” on the radio, and his movie UHF is still one of my biggest guilty pleasures.

I am always a bit amazed at how far some people will bend over to appease the conservative minority.

I am slightly less amazed by how blurry this picture turned out, but the sign was so weird I had to capture it. Can you imagine what being an “Internet Guide” involves, exactly? “Over here we have Yahoo, which has a lot of pretty, ultimately useless features … and here with we have MSN, don’t get too close now, it’ll swallow you whole if you aren’t careful …”

Posted in Randomness | 1 Comment »
0

Samurais, Hookers and Pig-Cams

9 Apr 2004
- In a pretty alarming example of police incompetence, cops arrested an alleged burglar and shot his dog, only to find that the poor guy was the one who called them in in the first place. Hear that? That’s the sound of a lawsuit being a filed.
- One of the pitfalls of being a NATO soldier stationed overseas is having to contend with price-hiking hookers. The Lithuanian prostitutes were reportedly charging the soldiers four times more than they would locals, a “clear case of discrimination.” There are so many things wrong with this situation that I can’t even begin to comment.
- Remember that silent dude in Last Samurai? The guy assigned to follow Tom Cruise everywhere he went and ended up getting killed pretty roughly onscreen? Apparently, he’s the leading expert (at least, as “expert” as one can be at this sort of thing) at dying gloriously onscreen. The article talks about what it’s like to be Japan’s top kirareyaku, which basically means guy who gets sliced-up a lot.
- When I was a kid, I used to love hocking loogies from the fourth floor balcony of my grandfather’s house and watching it disappear into the gardens below. I guess that’s totally unrelated to this news item about having your personal crap crashed into the moon for a fee (starting at $6 million), but I was just thinking, you know, loogies must look amazing in outer space.
- And here’s another weird news item about a Croatian woman who called in a bomb threat at the airport, just to get out of a holiday with her boyfriend. Now, why didn’t I think of that …
- A new entry into the world of reality cam sites, features a family of pigs, 24-7. Predictably, the site has received over 1.5 million visitors in 2 weeks time. Now, why didn’t I think of that …
[ update, regarding the Pig-Brother site: apparently they ran out of money to pay for bandwidth, but promise to be up and running soon. ]
Posted in Randomness | No Comments »
0

1 and fucking 1

8 Apr 2004

I have just discovered the Webhost From Hell. Remember that British marketing website I was developing a couple of weeks ago? Well, I’d finally gotten around to actually uploading their files after a long series of miscommunication (basically involving whether or not their passwords ended with a lower-case “s” or a “5″, and whether their domain name had a dash in it or not).

Now, I’ve personally uploaded and managed over 20 database-oriented type sites in all sorts of different hosting environments, so I’ve seen a lot of really weird approaches. This particular host though, really took the cake.

You know a webhost has got issues when they assign their customers numbers instead of real usernames (how the hell am i supposed to remember “49590503″ for crying out loud?). Every time I want to log on to their site, I have to open up Outlook, find the email with the username/password (with lower-case esses instead of 5’s, don’t forget now) and copy and paste them into the friggin’ text fields.

And their control panel–! Jesus Christ, it looked like it was made by an undergrad with a minor in hysteria-inducing UI Design. There are these tiny buttons on the left with ambiguous labels like “software licenses” and “accounts“. Uhm, what sort of “accounts” are we talking about here exactly? One would assume that they were talking about your hosting account, with your profile and password, etc., but no! These monkeys have the database-activation hidden away there! If I hadn’t been clicking mindlessly, out of sheer desperation, I’d never have found it.

And when I finally managed to activate my database, what did I get? A page with another mass of randomly-generated numbers and characters, which were supposed to be my database’s name (db039495003), my database username (dbo039495003) and my database password (ei49951f), that’s what. Now, I realize it’s rather petty to be moaning about not being able to give my database a name I like (or actually, anything that doesn’t look like an M$ Office CD Key), but these are really simple, really standard things I’m asking for here. It’s not as if I’m demanding root access.

So I had my database initiated … all I needed to do now was find their admin module (i.e., something, anything remotely resembling phpMyAdmin) so I could start uploading my dataset. And of course, there wasn’t any.

After some time rooting around their shit-for-brains FAQ (and may I just say that any FAQ that uses dropdown menus and multiple page reloads as their primary navigation is EVIL), I found the answer: there was a whole section on how to install phpMyAdmin yourself, basically a copy-and-paste job from the official readme.txt, and included some out-of-date links to various download locations. I even had to setup the directory’s security myself. What the hell dude, should I be coding my site with a fucking typewriter as well?

Again, these are very basic features that every webhost should have. Even if they don’t use phpmyadmin, there should always be an equivalent database-management app installed and secured for you, automatically. You may as well not offer database usage at all if you’re not gonna include some way to manage it. They spend most of their frontpage screaming about all the free stuff you get when you host with them, but it’s all just fluff.

These guys boast that they have 21,000 servers up and running … I cannot believe they haven’t gotten any complaints about this yet.

*A small geeky indulgence. You know how much room 21,000 servers would take up? Assuming they have those really short 2U servers, stacked 22 high on a 44U rack, they’d need a floor space of about ( (2′ wide x 2.5′ deep) x (21,000 servers / 22 servers per rack) ) = 4,772 square feet, about a quarter of a pro soccer field. The point being that these guys are well beyond the point where they should be getting away with these stupid-ass solutions.*

I think the main problem here is that OneandOne uses a control panel solution that they rolled themselves, to absolutely disastrous effect. It’s not only one of the worst UIs I’ve ever seen, it’s also got the unfriendliest and most paranoid security system I’ve ever had the pleasure of logging out of.

I shudder to think what their customer support emails look like … “Dear 49590503, Thank you for your inquiry regarding database db039495003 …”

Ha-fucking-ha, assholes.

Posted in Randomness | No Comments »