It’s my last semester in college, I’ve only got three courses I need to pass, and I’m gone. So naturally, I have to take the World’s Faggiest Fucking Class as my last PE course.They don’t call it Walking for Fitness for nothing.
Waking for Fitness
I have to wake up at 7am to get to this piece of shit class. I have no idea how I get to school on time, but this morning, I found myself waiting for our instructor in front of the field that would be our venue for the rest of the semester. I had exactly enough time to chug down a mug of coffee too (yeah, my tongue’s still numb as I write this). Looking around at my other classmates, I noticed there were three general types:
1. Fat Asses
2. Stick Chicks
3. Dorks (me)
Everyone seemed to fit very neatly into one of the 3 categories; I’ve honestly never seen a more homogenous class in my life.
Walking for Fatties
One fatass in particular was already sweating from the walk up the bleachers. He didn’t sit down as much as roll downwards. And I swear, I felt the structure groan a bit when he did.
Gad, the sweat off this guy was almost criminal. Wake up, fatboy, this class won’t help you lose weight. Stop stuffing your fat fucking face first.
Walking for Fuck-O’s
So anyway our instructor shows up, he’s wearing pink pants. He says his expertise are in chess and scrabble, but he teaches this cruddy class to keep fit. He goes on a long lecture about how none of us are truly fit, and how our bodies aren’t capable of doing simple shit like lifting refrigerators and bantam-weight cars without getting tired. What a fuck-o.
Then he brings everyone down to the field where he teaches us How to Walk. … yeah I couldn’t believe it either.
“Today”, he says, “we’ll be walking one mile. Try to do it in under 20 minutes ok?” He says it like we need the extra 5 minutes to perfect our walking skillz.
Walking for Fiber
So we walked, 3 minutes, 6 minutes, 10 minutes. I started getting this weird ass feeling in my stomach, with a grumbling, growling, whimpering noise for effect. Argh, Fuck that morning coffee!
I swear to God no one has ever completed a one mile walk that fast.